Come the Holiday season it seems everyone gets caught up in the hustle and bustle. Albeit the seemingly never endless shopping, or planning the perfect party — from dress, menu, and ambiance to invitee’s and traditions — the holidays bring a sense of urgency and anxiety gift wrapped with a pretty spirally bow — then perfectly finished with a heavy-handed sprinkling of Paxil, Prozac, and Xanax.
This year we looked forward to the Thanksgiving and Christmas related inquiries from our readers — begging even pleading for our help. So to thee, fellow “Holidazed” I say unto you — RELAX!!!!! It’s only a few days of your entire heinous New England winter, you’ll survive!!! I beseech thee to stand up, leave thy padded rooms, unclench thy white knuckled kung-foo grip on your unrealistic expectations — and come celebrate that which makes even the burliest of men cry, and the mother of 6 natural birthed Satan spawned hellions — hit her knees in fervent prayer that, ALL WILL LIVE TO SEE NEXT YEAR!
Our first, of the Family First Aid countdown to Thanksgiving Theatrics and Christmas Chaos, comes from The Niece of a NOSY NANNA and reads as follows:
“I am 28 and a fellow New Englander. I was briefly married for 5 years. A marriage that ended horribly a year and a half ago. My ex was a man I was barely familiar with as an adult. We knew each other from summers spent in Cape Cod. Many family member’s had a great helping hand in a “first love /summer romance” becomes a beach wedding. My whirlwind wedding was a catastrophic mess!!! My family threw this mistake of a lifetime after 35 whole sun up to sun down filled days. We had the essentials of course, a cake, a white’ish dress, the groom, an officiates prompt’s — to repeat “Our Vows of Doom” . And all the abundance of tulle and sand one could handle. POINT BLANK — IT WAS A MISTAKE, A BIG ONE……
“The beauty of this mistake is my daughter Reese. Thus the reason for the whirlwind…. Though I was in no rush, my family — and his upstanding citizens of the upper Cape Side family name “NEED STAY IN TACT”…… Talk about cliché, and embarrassing…..
“The divorce that sent my mother into a reeling depression, and my grandmother “NANNA” into what feels like a “who done it?” “find a hubby mission” reality television marathon from HELL……
“My holiday season is now filled with set-up’s, and un ending banter about exactly what I am missing out on. Along with the occasional disservice to my daughter statement or twenty. HELP !!!!!! They will suck every last drop of holiday spirit from my body if I cannot find a way out of this reoccurring nightmare. How do I fend of the “Family that steals Christmas” all while maintaining that my daughter and I are okay, thriving, and above all else HAPPY!!!!!
Sincerely: Cindy Loo Hoo in Misery MA.
— — —
Response To Our dearest Family Charity case :
Before you get ready to plunge the menora straight into your chest, or redirect the stockings and hang yourself with care — TAKE A SEAT……..It’s NOT that bad…
From our experience there’s one in every family.. In your case YOU my dear are the 1%. Here is your Holiday TO DO LIST!!!!
- SPIKE THE EGGNOG! — Not kidding seriously load those lushes up on something other than your last month depicted through “spoken word”.
- HIDE ALL MISTLETOE & MISTLETOE RELATED DECOR — Also not a joke, give them NOTHING to catch you off guard…..
- BRING EVIDENCE — Clearly the cheery cold wind kissed cheeks, you and your daughter arrive wearing IS NOT ENOUGH…. So bring pictures and or VIDEO <– always better than a photo of all the things HAPPY and happiness related.
- BRING BACK UP — Seriously whether a rented date, or a friend who is sublime in diversionary tactics — help to ward off the praying pry-monsters is always a good choice.
- BE HONEST, BE HONEST, BE HONEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did I mention the BE HONEST part? Sitting down before a meal “Give thanks that your family may finally see that Reese and yourself have found happiness in the comforts and reliability of your relationship with each other.” NEVER let on to even a hint of dissatisfaction. If ALL ELSE FAILS FAKE IT!!!!
Try having an honest conversation with said “nosy Nana’s and prying parents” — easier said than done I am sure. I do believe that a well spoken, and thought out, multiply versed and rehearsed monologue — when applied at just the right moment — is always a win.
Explain the reasons you feel no need for a man or his opinion at this point in the lives of you and Reese, even why having one could be a detriment if “said beau” is not the right one. Explain that right now teaching Reese about being able to care for herself and be reliant on herself and herself alone is one of the greatest gifts you feel you could give her.
JUST TELL THE TRUTH…. Tell them how all the constant questioning, and “set-ups” are hindering your personal growth. SHOW THEM how it is impeding on the values, and goals you have set.
BUT NEVER FORGET that they, as your family and friends, ALSO need a place…… They need to feel as though they contribute to your lives in some way. They need to feel a sense of belonging in the life “they know they had a hand in ruining.” It may not have occurred to you — mostly because I know it had rarely occurred to me, that your family may also feel a sense of guilt! They know the part they played — they watched your world build and crumble before it had a chance to set roots. They may feel inclined to right their wrongs. Showing them your foundation is solid, simply because you are setting the bar high, and accepting nothing less — is not a character flaw, it’s truthful. Allowing them to see the roots you have grown since the divorce will enlighten even their darkest opinion of you — and your life. But that is where it’s tricky because you must actually allow them in. Privacy IS a necessity, but building a wall of Jericho proportions, will only make them knock harder, climb higher, and become more concerned.
LAST RESORT — Go back to steps 1-3 of the TO DO list this time double the rum!!!!!!!
Creating memories of the holidays for Reese, and yourself WITH Reese revolves around so many variables. Family is always key to that equation. Perhaps the old “idle hands” quote may also apply to “idle lips” as well — you might attempt to fill that time-void with activities geared toward strengthening these bonds.
ABOVE ALL ELSE HAVE A VERY BLESSED HOLIDAY SEASON……….. NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!
Sincerely: Heather Cornell